This is the second book that I’ve read for the College Prepster’s new book club and I enjoyed it even more than I did the first one! I read it as soon as CP announced it as her next choice but that was a while ago and now I’m having to rely on weeks old notes and turned down corners to write this review. I just hope I do the book justice.
When my brother saw the book lying on my couch he picked it up, turned it over and proclaimed that it looked like an “improving” book.
My brother was half right. TPCMOF (as Carly nicknamed it in her own review) is definitely a story, and in places not a terribly realistic one at that (I mean realistic in the way in which it makes you live the plot too, see my sidebar for a better explanation). It does feel a bit like it has a sheen over it, like it’s a little glossy and movie-like. The characters, too, sometimes feel a little contrived. However, the plot also contains some important reminders and messages about how we should go about living our lives. Thus, in some ways I suppose that it is an improving book, just not in the self-help kind of way that my brother was envisioning.
I think that the book had two crucial messages that appealed to me. The first of these is that even things that you love and that you are good at and that you put your whole heart and soul into (for instance, in the case of one of the main characters Kate, being a stay-at-home-mom) can become tiresome and depressing when it starts to feel as though there is nothing more to you than this aspect. We need to live and explore and adventure and force ourselves out of our comfort zone from time to time, even if for no other reason than to more fully appreciate what we already have.
Habits and schedules and routines can be the best tools for an easy life but they can also be dangerous things when it comes to relationships. As the author herself puts it: “even the truest of loves [needs] tending.” (Page 276) I felt it was really important that even on her life-affirming trip AWAY from her husband and kids, a trip designed precisely to escape her life as a stay-at-home-mom; Kate remains faithful to her husband in both her thoughts and her deeds. For all of her dissatisfaction she’s not actually unhappy with her life or her choices, she just needs a little tending to and so does her marriage.
The second message that really resonated with me was this—the past is not the present. The past can be hugely helpful in guiding our choices in the present, it can keep us from making the same mistakes and help us recognize good things when we see them but when our past fully dictates our present choices or distorts what is right in front of us then it is neither helpful nor welcome. We can see the past interfering unhelpfully in the decisions and perceptions of each of the main characters during the course of the book- Colin is not the person he used to be when Sarah first knew him (and perhaps never really was that man), Kate’s fixation with her husband of earlier years is neither fair (for she is not the same person she was when they first met either) nor beneficial to their relationship and Jo’s own unpleasant childhood and experience of motherhood does not mean that she is somehow fundamentally incapable of providing a wonderful childhood to Grace.
If this book were a movie then I imagine its tagline would be something like: “Sometimes you have to do something totally uncharacteristic to find out who you really are.” Yet, one of the truly beautiful things about this book is that not only do the main characters begin to understand themselves just a little bit better but they come to learn more about each other too. For instance, Jo, who has always mocked Kate for being just a stay-at-home-mom, comes to understand exactly how hard her friend’s daily life can be when she is suddenly and somewhat unwillingly forced into the same position and has to depend upon Kate’s advice to get by, whilst Kate develops a whole new level of respect for the work and life of Sarah.
The characters might seem quite contrived and less than fully realistic in parts of the book (they are, after all, intended to be something of stereotypes to help demonstrate the author’s points) but that does not make this book any less emotional. The reader finds herself, with a certain amount of shock, really rooting for Colin and Sarah to get it together (at least at first) even though this would necessarily mean that Colin would be cheating on his fiancée, something we could not ordinarily abide by. Our hearts also ache when we realize that Kate has completely misjudged her husband’s feelings and that he is not going to instantly forgive her for essentially running away, even though in his position we probably wouldn’t either. The characters might not be totally, completely, 100% realistic but they do win us- and our emotions- over and we do become fully invested in their lives. As far as I’m concerned, that’s pretty much what a novel should do!
Quote from: Lisa Verge Higgins (2011) The Proper Care and Maintenance of Friendship (NY, NY: 5 Spot), p. 276
I agree that there were some powerful messages in this novel. I found that they resonated with me as well.
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